Me, Myself & Irene 2000

Here’s my rephrased version:

Charlie Baileygates, a quiet veteran state trooper from Rhode Island, has long been taken advantage of by those around him - most notably his wife Layla. Their relationship is marred almost from the start, when she begins an affair with their wedding limo chauffeur, Shonté, a diminutive but intellectually gifted individual with a penchant for surprise. Despite warnings from his friends about Layla’s infidelity, Charlie turns a blind eye, even as she gives birth to triplets - Jamal, Lee Harvey, and Shonté Jr., each of whom possesses an uncanny intelligence that rivals their father’s own.

As the years pass, Layla leaves Charlie for good, abandoning him with the children. Though he struggles to raise them on his own, they come to adore and respect their father, who, in turn, becomes a pillar of strength for the family. However, the rest of the community continues to exploit Charlie’s gullibility, leading him to develop a coping mechanism - an alternate personality named Hank Evans, which emerges whenever he’s under extreme stress.

Hank is a far cry from Charlie’s meek demeanor, embodying instead the rough-and-tumble persona often associated with Clint Eastwood’s characters. A psychiatrist prescribes medication to keep Hank at bay, but when Charlie’s commanding officer orders him to escort beautiful Irene Waters from Rhode Island to Massena, New York - where she’s accused of committing a hit-and-run - Charlie finds himself in dire need of a vacation.

Irene insists that her mob-connected ex-boyfriend Dickie fabricated the accusation as part of his effort to silence her about his illegal activities. As they journey together, Irene and Charlie turn over her case to two EPA agents in Massena. Tragedy strikes when one of these agents is killed by a hitman with a contract on Irene’s head - an assassination that leaves Charlie feeling helpless.

Leaving behind his medication, Charlie and Irene flee the scene, unaware that their actions will soon paint Charlie as the prime suspect for the murder. FBI agents and two crooked police officers - Boshane and Gerke, who are in Dickie’s pocket - join forces to track down Charlie and Irene, turning their desperate flight into a media spectacle. As the chaos unfolds, Charlie’s sons begin to sense their father’s predicament, setting the stage for a thrilling adventure that will test his mettle as never before.

As Charlie and Irene embark on their journey back to Rhode Island, the road trip serves as a catalyst for bonding between them. Meanwhile, Hank’s aggressive persona and inflated sense of self-importance continue to pose a threat to their safety. The trio picks up Whitey, an enigmatic albino waiter with a dubious past, who regales them with tales of having killed his entire family - a claim that only fuels Hank’s paranoia. During a pit stop at a seedy motel, Hank resorts to deception, convincing Irene to surrender to his advances by impersonating Charlie. When the truth is finally revealed, Charlie unleashes his fury on Hank, setting off a chain reaction of events.

As they prepare to leave Whitey behind and continue their journey, Dickie, a ruthless operative, boards the same train, tasked with “getting his hands dirty” by his police allies. He seizes Irene, prompting Charlie to launch a daring rescue mission in tandem with Hank. However, as they chase down Dickie onto a precarious bridge, Hank’s hesitance ultimately proves costly, allowing Charlie to confront and nullify his doubts once and for all.

In the ensuing chaos, Dickie meets his demise at the hands of Whitey, who dispatches him with a well-placed lawn dart. As the dust settles, Charlie and Irene plunge into the river below, only to be rescued by Charlie’s sons, who had tracked them down in their stolen police helicopter. Reunited, they regroup with Whitey, who reveals his fabricated backstory - a desperate attempt to deflect Hank’s suspicions.

As the authorities close in, Gerke and Boshane are apprehended, while Charlie is hailed as a hero for bringing the perpetrators to justice. Irene is finally cleared of all charges, and the couple prepares to start anew. In a surprise twist, Charlie proposes to Irene, and she happily accepts.

In a post-credits scene, Whitey’s search for Charlie’s thumb in the river yields a unexpected result - it becomes a snack for a hungry fish.