Once Upon a Time in Ukraine 2023

In the sun-soaked streets of Venice, Los Angeles, private investigator Steve Ford finds himself entangled in a web of complications that begins when he enlists his assistant, John to track down a young woman named Nola. The situation quickly escalates when Steve’s professional encounter with Nola turns into a clandestine affair, much to the dismay of her brothers who had actually hired him to find her. This fateful choice results in a relentless pursuit led by Nola’s brothers, forcing Steve to seek refuge in the beloved pizza joint of his friend Tino. In a spirit of camaraderie, Steve agrees to help Tino by reclaiming his stolen car, which is in the possession of a notorious gang leader named Spyder.

To infiltrate Spyder’s territory, Steve adopts a disguise as a pizza delivery man, navigating a maze of dangers that ultimately culminates in a narrow escape with Tino’s car. Amidst this chaos, Steve juggles his time among various important figures in his life, including his devoted dog, his sister-in-law Katey, and her daughter, alongside his best friend Dave Phillips, who is grappling with the complexities of divorce. An additional layer of concern arises when Steve takes on a job from the real estate salesman Lew the Jew. He must address troubling lewd graffiti painted on Lew’s buildings, in exchange for securing his childhood home that Lew purchased.

As tension mounts, Spyder’s associates burglarize Katey’s home and make off with Steve’s dog. In a desperate attempt to negotiate the dog’s return, Ford is met with the harsh reality that Spyder demands a hefty ransom in the form of thousands of dollars, supposedly to cover the damages inflicted during the earlier car heist. Meanwhile, John is dispatched to surveil the elusive graffiti artist, leading him to a serendipitous romantic encounter with Nola.

Now financially strained, Steve secures funding from Yuri, a loan shark, to confront Spyder. Payment is made, yet a shocking twist dangles before Steve when Spyder reveals that his ex-girlfriend Lupe has absconded with not only the dog but also a cache of Spyder’s cocaine. To resolve the mess, Spyder offers a deal: retrieve his cocaine from Lupe, and he will return the dog in exchange for the money Steve initially paid. With time ticking away, Steve locates Lupe at a motel only to be ambushed by a transvestite before making a hasty exit.

As the plot thickens, Steve and John unveil the true identity of the graffiti artist—an agent provocateur hired by Lew’s rivals. Their investigation leads them to Prince, the new leader of the gang whom Lupe sold the stolen cocaine to. Deploying a plan, Steve and Phillips infiltrate Prince’s club to reclaim the illicit goods. However, suspicion simmers below the surface as they prepare for a confrontation that could prove fatal. Armed to the teeth and cautious, they head back to Spyder’s domain, where negotiations unfold in a tense standoff, concluding with Spyder’s surprisingly cordial compliance with the deal.

Upon successfully recovering his childhood home from Lew, Ford selflessly transfers ownership to his sister and niece, embracing the joys of family. Nevertheless, the quietude is shattered when John is taken captive by Prince, who is itching for revenge against Ford. Realizing the stakes have escalated, Steve and Phillips devise a rescue plan, racing against the clock to save John from the vengeful grip of Prince, leaving John tied up and at the mercy of his captors.