Rapture-Palooza 2013

In a world stripped of souls, Lindsey Lewis and her boyfriend Ben House find themselves navigating a chaotic and barren landscape. The Rapture has separated the worthy from the unworthy, plunging humanity into turmoil. As they grapple with this apocalyptic reality, they are beset by a host of menacing horrors: swarms of ominous locusts shriek “suffer!” at the sky, while dark-winged crows take flight, and crimson rain pours down as a judgment from above.

Steering this nightmarish new world is Earl Gundy, now known as The Beast, who claims control of the government. His devious schemes rival those of Lindsey’s mother, a zealous Christian who, after provoking a conflict in Heaven, returns to Earth. Tragedy strikes as her father meets a grim fate from a meteorite and her brother Clark attempts to survive by dealing contraband to the wraiths that lurk in the desolated ruins.

Ben’s father, an operative for The Beast, tries to convince Ben and Lindsey to join the regime. Initially resistant, their dreams of starting a sandwich cart are crushed, pushing them to reevaluate their position. On a day spent with Ben’s father, they embark on a tour of The Beast’s lavish mansion, located outside of Seattle, which is tightly guarded by those who have allied with The Beast and his supernatural minions.

Ben’s father warns that the mansion is lined with deadly landmines. As tension mounts, The Beast himself arrives, flanked by his guards and his demonic child, Little Beast. Captivated by Lindsey’s allure, The Beast intends to claim her as his bride and demand that she bear his monstrous offspring. With only eight hours before he eliminates everyone she cares about, Lindsey faces a terrifying choice that could change her fate forever.

Determined to outsmart The Beast, Lindsey engages in Bible study to devise a cunning plan alongside Ben. Following ancient wisdom to preserve The Beast’s vile essence, they concoct a more innovative means of capture using a dog kennel that can’t be escaped. A partnership is formed with Clark and their zombie neighbor Mr. Murphy to separate The Beast from his spectral entourage. As the plan unfolds, Lindsey resolutely returns to The Beast’s lavish abode, seeking to charm him, while her brother and friend indulge with the wraiths to distract the guards.

As a diversion, Mr. Murphy engages the security forces in a lively skirmish. Lindsey sets up a poolside meeting to intoxicate The Beast, who remains impervious to her attempts. Nevertheless, she beckons him to the water’s edge where Ben lies in wait. Outside, tension escalate as Lindsey calls out for Ben, leading to a confrontation with The Beast. Initially dismissive, The Beast pulls a gun on Ben, who is swiftly knocked unconscious by The Beast when Lindsey intervenes.

Upon regaining his bearings, Ben witnesses The Beast revive, only to be met with Lindsey’s hail of bullets. When their ammunition is depleted, they resort to battering him with a shovel before turning to an improvised laser device created by The Beast. Just as they align the weapon, a dazzling light descends from above, momentarily blinding them. Panicked, Ben fires at what he assumes is The Beast, only to discover too late that he has accidentally struck Jesus Christ, riding on a heavenly steed.

In a dramatic twist, divine lightning strikes as God appears in a pristine white suit, denouncing their actions as a catastrophic event in humanity’s saga. Initially filled with remorse, Ben and Lindsey soon find themselves enduring God’s sharp sarcasm. The Beast, now revealing his true form as Satan, seizes this moment to retaliate against God, igniting a fierce clash that culminates in the hot tub. In a stunning revelation, Satan tosses a boombox into the water, electrocuting both himself and God and sending them into the depths.

As their lifeless bodies are discovered, a heated discussion flares among The Beast’s minions regarding who should inherit the vacant throne of world domination. Lindsey, standing as a beacon of reason, asserts that with both divine powers defeated, humanity has the unique chance to carve its own destiny, unbound and free from celestial or infernal control.

With this newfound clarity, Ben and Lindsey embark on a journey to fulfill their long-held dream, establishing a sandwich shop that becomes a bustling hub of lunchtime delight. As signs of a new generation bloom in Lindsey, Little Beast emerges as a supportive ally, working alongside his parents.

In an unexpected turn of friendship, Lindsey’s mother develops a bond with lingering wraiths, sharing a serene smoking session with these ethereal beings. Meanwhile, Ben’s father finds a new life in The Beast’s mansion by throwing a grand celebration that draws various guests, including Morgan, The Beast’s former accomplice and an ex-leader of the disregarded Beastly Guards. As aromas of barbecued delicacies mingle with scents of PCP wafting through the air, the atmosphere is thick with the essence of shared triumph and newfound freedom.