Daughter from Danang 2002

Heidi Neville Bub, originally born as Mai Thi Hiep on December 10, 1968, in Da Nang, had a challenging start in life. Her mother, Mai Thi Kim, already a mother of three, was abandoned by her husband Do Huu Vinh, who left to fight with the Viet Cong. While working at an American military base, Kim encountered Heidi’s father, an American serviceman. As the North Vietnamese army advanced towards Da Nang, fear gripped Mai Thi Kim for her daughter’s safety due to rising fears of violence against mixed-race children. At just six years old, Heidi was sent to the United States and placed in an orphanage managed by the Holt Adoption Agency.

Soon after, Heidi was adopted by Ann Neville, a devoutly religious single woman who rebranded her as Heidi. They lived in Columbia, South Carolina, for a year before eventually settling in Pulaski, Tennessee. Ann told Heidi a fabricated story about her origins, insisting that her parents had been killed in the war and instructing her to omit any mention of her true background. Heidi was raised under strict rules, forbidding her from dating and discouraging friendships. After her freshman year of college, Heidi faced a shocking rejection; Ann Neville had packed her belongings outside and proclaimed that Heidi was no longer her daughter, leading to a lasting estrangement between them.

Now married and a mother of two young daughters, the scars from her past remain raw. In a quest for closure, Heidi reaches out to the Holt Adoption Agency and discovers a letter from her biological mother, Mai Thi Kim, sent in 1991, expressing her wish to reunite with Heidi. This information had been ignored by Ann Neville, leaving Heidi unaware of her mother’s attempts to connect. Fueled by this revelation, Heidi, assisted by journalist Tran Tuong Nhu, embarks on a journey back to Vietnam to meet Mai Thi.

Upon their emotional reunion, filled with joy and tears, Heidi quickly faces the disorienting challenges of culture shock. Having grown up disconnected from her Vietnamese roots, she struggles with the customs, food, language, and overwhelming familial affection she encounters. Mai Thi’s expectation to be close to her daughter, even sharing a bed, feels suffocating to Heidi who was raised in an emotionally distant environment. Navigating through bustling markets proves exhausting, and Heidi soon learns the harsh realities of her family’s impoverished life, where focus is on caring for Mai Thi.

Heidi’s half-brother steps in as the family patriarch, directly informing Heidi that it is her turn to provide support for their mother. Mai Thi expresses her desire to live in America, a request that takes Heidi by surprise. Frustrated and feeling obligated, she responds that relocating Mai Thi is not a viable option. The tension escalates when her half-brother advises her that, if she can’t take Mai Thi with her, she should financially support them from afar. Crestfallen, Heidi leaves their home, overwhelmed by a torrent of emotions. Caught between cultural misunderstandings, her Vietnamese family fails to comprehend her distress, with one even remarking that her tears are excessive.

In the months following her visit, while Heidi receives letters from her Vietnamese family, they only contain pleas for financial assistance. Feeling exploited and critiqued for her feelings, she ultimately decides not to respond, marking her disconnection from that part of her family. By mid-2012, Heidi had no further contact with her relatives in Vietnam, left grappling with the complexities of identity, family, and the realization of unfulfilled connections.