Vamps

In this captivating tale, Goody (Alicia Silverstone), an ageless being with a penchant for the 1970s, and Stacey (Krysten Ritter), a pale-skinned beauty with a penchant for the avant-garde, form an unlikely friendship that defies convention. Goody, born in a bygone era, has witnessed the passage of time with an uncanny sense of detachment. As an Extended Life-Form (ELF), she navigates the world with a unique perspective, opting to feast on rats rather than human blood. Her existence is marked by a quiet acceptance of her immortal state, which she shares with others at Sanguines Anonymous, a support group for ghouls seeking understanding and community.

Stacey, on the other hand, is a product of more recent times, having been sired by Cisserus in 1992. Her tumultuous past as a drug addict has given way to a newfound sense of purpose as Goody's sister and mentor. As Stacey introduces Goody to the wonders of modern technology, including email, Napster, and Greenday, their bond deepens, despite their vastly different backgrounds.

As they navigate the world together, their differences become apparent. Goody struggles with social cues, often requiring guidance from her more worldly companion. Her fashion sense is stuck in a bygone era, but she makes up for it with an infectious enthusiasm that charms those around her. Stacey, meanwhile, has a wicked sense of humor, often caught off guard by Goody's naivety.

Their nocturnal adventures take them to the local night club, where they revel in the freedom and anonymity of the dark. Goody streaks down the fire escape with superhuman speed, while Stacey crawls along the building like a giant cockroach, their movements a testament to their unique existence.

As their bond grows stronger, they face new challenges, including the temptation of human blood. Goody's tongue, capable of rivaling that of a giraffe, proves an asset in times of temptation. Their eating habits may be unconventional, but it's clear that these two outcasts have found something special in each other - a sense of belonging and acceptance that transcends their immortal lives.

Within the dimly lit confines of the club, Goody employs her potent vampire persuasion abilities, a piercing gaze capable of bending the will of others. Her hypnotic stare, reminiscent of a snake's cold calculation, effortlessly convinces Juicy Girl (Emily Goldwyn), a naive and impressionable young woman, to steer clear of unsavory characters like Ivan, an older vampire with ties to Cisserus's domain, and Vadim, a malevolent demonic vampire whose very presence seems to reek of malice.

Meanwhile, Goody harbors a secret so profound that it threatens to upend the delicate balance of her relationships. Despite being 151 years her junior, Stacy is oblivious to the fact that Goody has been concealing her true age. Ashamed of her own antiquity, Goody has mastered the art of subtlety, allowing Stacy to believe she shares a similar youthful vitality. This clever ruse enables Goody to share her vast knowledge of the city's rich history and cultural heritage, acquired through her keen interest in documentary programs like the History Channel, which only serves to further mystify Stacy.

As two vampires navigating the treacherous landscape of urban life, these immortal beings are drawn to the city's vibrant pulse like moths to an irresistible flame. Their existence is a perpetual balancing act between the allure of the night and the very real threat of annihilation at the hands of the unforgiving sun.

In this world where time is currency, Cisserus (Sigourney Weaver), the maternal figure to her two offspring, reigns supreme. Her passions extend far beyond the mundane, as evidenced by her affinity for haute couture designers like Gaultier and Prada. When she summons Goody and Stacy to serve as models for her latest fashion endeavor, their sole purpose in life is reduced to mere mortals. Cisserus is no gentle soul, content with indulging in leisurely activities or savoring the simple pleasures of life. No, this mother is a force to be reckoned with, commanding respect and inspiring fear in equal measure.

The unassuming Pizza Guy, who delivers sustenance to Cisserus's doorstep, is suddenly torn asunder, his lifeless form a grim harbinger of the darkness that lurks beneath the city's surface. Van Helsing (Wallace Shawn), a seasoned veteran with ties to MI6 and now Homeland Security, is dispatched to investigate this bizarre murder. His jurisdictional woes notwithstanding, he finds himself entangled in a web of intrigue that defies explanation, pitting him against a ruthless New York psycho with no discernible motives or connections to the global terrorist network.

As fate would have it, Stacy, a university student with an air of ethereal beauty, finds herself captivated by Joey Van Helsing's affable charm during a film night together. Their mutual fascination blossoms into a delightful evening, and when the night wears on, she discovers his surname - a name that echoes the tragic tale of star-crossed lovers. As he takes her home to meet his family, an eerie sensation sets in as they detect her icy-cold hands, a telltale sign that the undead lurk among them. Van Helsing's stalwart vigilance ensures that no campus vampire will evade his notice.

Meanwhile, Goody's (Susan) concerns intensify as she becomes entangled with Danny Horowitz, her old flame. She must maintain the ruse of being Susan, daughter of a deceased Goody, to conceal her eternal youth. As they work the night shift at the hospital, where Danny's terminally ill wife languishes in the Intensive Care Unit, their shared experiences forge an unbreakable bond. This unlikely duo is haunted by Goody's growing unease, fueled by Vadim's revelation that she would revert to her true age if her stem, Cisserus, were eliminated.

A sense of foreboding settles over the community as Van Helsing assumes a Time Warner cable guy persona, eliminating Ivan and infiltrating the Sanguines group with an agent posing as a psy-vampire. The night creatures face imposed daylight activities when Stacy receives a mysterious jury duty summons, plunging them into chaos.

In a peculiar dinner date at the Van Helsing residence, Stacy prepared by camouflaging her porcelain complexion with every known bronzer and spray-on tan available. She attempted to use her mind-controlling abilities on Joey but found his willpower unyielding. Despite this, their evening together is filled with warmth and laughter, courtesy of his son's infectious charm. As the birds begin to chirp, signaling sunrise's approach, Stacy must make a hasty exit, sliding down the side of the building in an unconventional manner, leaving Joey perplexed. However, her quick thinking allows her to effortlessly rekindle their connection, as she proves herself to be the antithesis of evil. This fateful encounter also leaves her with an unexpected pregnancy.

As the stakes escalate, the spotlight shines on Goody, whose audacious move foils a brazen robbery at a video store, and in a chilling twist, she injects a victim suffering from a heart attack with an unsettling serum designed to thin their blood. Her former flame, now an ACLU advocate, begins to grasp the plight of these misfits, comprising a motley crew of underdogs. Meanwhile, the gang seizes the opportunity presented by a rare solar eclipse to erase their names from public records and start anew.

In a gesture of gratitude, Vadim rewards Danny by bestowing a remarkable transformation upon his wife - she regains her youthful vitality and beauty, much like the radiant Marilu Henner (her character now a stunning older woman) - albeit at the cost of her mortality. However, this development is merely a subplot, as the narrative's primary focus lies elsewhere.

In a jarring turn of events, Evil Cisserus indulges in a Chinese takeout feast and satisfies her cravings. Her offspring enlist the aid of Van Helsing and confront their mother in her foreboding hideout, Grant's Tomb. As she towers over diminutive Van Helsing in her primal state, Joey seizes the moment to strike down their adversary with a chainsaw, but Evil Cisserus' reanimation takes on an eerie form - she rises from the grave as the skeletal remains of Ulysses Grant. With her wrath unleashed upon her foes, the group must navigate this treacherous situation.

Ultimately, slaying Evil Cisserus holds the key to reversing their unnatural aging process, which proves fatal for future-shocked Goody but allows Stacy to reclaim her 40-year-old identity as a mother. Meanwhile, Goody is reunited with her children, and Van Helsing comes to terms with his newfound granddaughter - a being of fangs and curiosity.