Directed by
Aaron Seltzer
The film opens with a humorous take on The Da Vinci Code. Lucy, portrayed by Jayma Mays, discovers that her adopted father, a museum curator played by David Carradine, has fallen victim to an attack by Silas, depicted by Kevin Hart. In his final moments, he leaves her cryptic clues that lead to a “Golden Ticket” hidden in a candy bar from a vending machine. Meanwhile, Edward, played by Kal Penn, resides at a Mexican monastery where he is abruptly ejected by Ignacio (Jareb Dauplaise) due to his dissatisfaction with the living conditions. In a scramble, he manages to snag a Monk’s “Golden Ticket” as he is thrown out the window.
The narrative shifts to introduce Susan (Faune Chambers), who is en route to Namibia to meet her new adoptive parents. Chaos ensues on her flight as snakes mysteriously invade the plane. Samuel L. Jackson, in a guest appearance as James Walker, Sr., emphatically exclaims, > “I have had it with these God damn snakes on this God damn plane!” and takes drastic action, throwing Susan from the plane for her safety. She serendipitously lands on socialite Paris Hilton, discovering a “Golden Ticket” lodged in her purse.
Next, we meet Peter (Adam Campbell), who is not your ordinary teenager; he is a mutant with aspirations of taking Mystique (Carmen Electra) to the homecoming dance. However, he faces bullying from her boyfriend, Wolverine (Vince Vieluf), and the intimidating Headmaster, Magneto (Jim Piddock). During a tense moment when Magneto uses his powers to open a locker door, Peter inadvertently receives another student’s “Golden Ticket” that falls onto his chest.
The four protagonists converge at Willy’s Chocolate Factory, where Willy (Crispin Glover) reveals his chilling plan to use them as the ‘special ingredient’ in his creations — actual human parts. In a desperate bid for survival, Lucy discovers a wardrobe that leads her into a mystical and perilous wintery realm known as Gnarnia, where she meets Mr. Tumnus (Héctor Jiménez). Mr. Tumnus, with a spirit of compassion, guides Lucy about the lurking dangers ahead.
Edward follows Lucy into Gnarnia and encounters the White Bitch, a character brought to life by Jennifer Coolidge, who seduces him into betraying the other orphans by luring him with deceitful promises of power if he helps her ensnare them in her sinister plot. The orphans gradually uncover a shocking truth: they are siblings, all of whom suffered the loss of their parents at the hands of the White Bitch, leading them to ally with Harry Beaver (Katt Williams), Mr. Tumnus’ partner.
In the midst of these proceedings, Peter is haunted by a dream where he assumes the mantle of Superman, only to suffer a violent fate. Seeking to aid their quest, he stumbles upon a graying Harry Potter (Kevin McDonald), a balding Ron Weasley (George Alvarez), and a heavily pregnant Hermione Granger (Crista Flanagan) from Hogwarts, who impart vital training for the impending battle against the White Bitch.
As the narrative unfolds, a devious plan involving a magical crystal surfaces — the White Bitch intends to create a new continent for her followers, echoing plots from previous films like Superman Returns. Edward’s escape from captivity, cleverly orchestrated by Captain Jack Swallows, ultimately reveals itself as a cunning trick designed to extract essential information from him.
After a series of rollercoaster events, the four young heroes prepare for war. They engage Aslo (Fred Willard), who reluctantly agrees to assist them for a rather dubious favor. Clashes ensue leading to Aslo’s tragic demise owing to the White Bitch’s treachery. The team’s morale declines, culminating in a chaotic party where Peter and Mystique find solace in each other’s arms amid Susan’s unceremonious drunken mishaps, resulting in a disheartening turn for their makeshift army.
In a climactic sequence, Peter, on the brink of defeat, discovers a mystical remote from the film Click (2006), unlocking its ability to alter reality. The siblings triumph over the White Bitch and her army, insisting on a fair trial for her instead of cold vengeance. Just as justice seems assured, an ironic twist sees the villainous figure in a peculiar predicament involving Jack’s wheel.
Decades later, we find the four as elderly rulers, only to experience a moment of youthful reflection as they unwittingly navigate back to their resumed lives, epitomizing a tale rife with adventure, sacrifice, and unintended hilarity. Their legacy culminates in a surreal finality, with Borat emerging to congratulate them on their heroic journey, just before being crushed by Jack’s wheel, sealing the surreal nature of this comedic escapade.
Museum Attack
The film opens with a comedic homage to *The Da Vinci Code*, where Lucy discovers that her adopted father, a museum curator, has been attacked by Silas. In his final moments, he provides her with cryptic clues that hint at a hidden 'Golden Ticket' in a vending machine's candy bar.
Edward's Ejection
Meanwhile, Edward finds himself living in a Mexican monastery where he becomes increasingly frustrated with the conditions there. After confronting a fellow monk, he is thrown out of the window and manages to grab a Monk's 'Golden Ticket' during his hasty exit.
Flying to Namibia
We are introduced to Susan, who is on a flight to Namibia to meet her new adoptive parents. Chaos erupts when snakes mysteriously invade the plane, causing panic, leading James Walker to take drastic measures to protect her.
Airborne Mishap
In a shocking turn of events, James Walker throws Susan from the plane to ensure her safety. She unwittingly lands on socialite Paris Hilton, discovering a 'Golden Ticket' lodged in her purse, changing her fortune drastically.
Peter's Dilemma
Peter, a mutant teenager, faces humiliation from his peer Wolverine and the intimidating Headmaster Magneto at school. Despite the bullying, he inadvertently gets his hands on another 'Golden Ticket' when it falls from a locker during a moment of confrontation.
Convergence at Willy's Factory
The stories of Lucy, Edward, Susan, and Peter converge at Willy's Chocolate Factory. Willy reveals his terrifying plan to use the quartet as ingredients in his chocolate creations, leading them into a fight for their survival.
Journey to Gnarnia
In a bid to escape Willy's sinister plot, Lucy discovers a wardrobe that transports her to a mystical realm known as Gnarnia. There, she meets Mr. Tumnus, who explains the lurking dangers and the chilling threats they must face.
Edward's Betrayal
Edward follows Lucy into Gnarnia, where he encounters the White Bitch, who seduces him with promises of power. Torn between loyalty and ambition, he contemplates betraying the other orphans for a chance at greatness.
Revelation of Siblings
As the orphans band together, they uncover the shocking truth that they are siblings, all victims of the White Bitch's past misdeeds. This revelation binds them in their quest for justice against the antagonist.
Training for Battle
Haunted by a vision of becoming Superman, Peter seeks out training from a graying Harry Potter and his friends at Hogwarts. They equip him with skills necessary for the looming confrontation with the White Bitch.
The White Bitch's Plan
The White Bitch reveals her devious plan to create a new continent for her followers using a magical crystal. This unexpected twist echoes tropes from previous films and raises the stakes for the protagonists.
Entrapment and Escape
Edward finds himself captured by the White Bitch, but a clever rescue executed by Captain Jack Swallows leads to unexpected complications. Thisr reveals the intricacies of loyalty and deception in their quest.
Chaos and Betrayal
Aslo the ally of the young heroes faces betrayal, leading to his tragic demise at the hands of the White Bitch. This moment of loss shakes the morale of the team and complicates their struggle.
Peter's Discovery
In a moment of desperation, Peter discovers a magical remote from the film *Click*. This artifact unlocks unusual powers that allow the siblings to manipulate reality in their favor during their climactic battle.
Legacy and Reflection
Decades later, the four siblings reflect on their adventures as elderly rulers. They come to terms with their experiences, which embody themes of courage and hilarity, culminating in a bizarre encounter with Borat.
Lucy
Lucy is a resourceful and determined character who is driven by her desire to uncover the truth about her family's past. As she navigates the dangers of Gnarnia, she relies on her intellect and bravery to confront the threats posed by the White Bitch, showcasing her growth throughout the journey.
Edward
Edward is portrayed as both a hopeful and conflicted character, striving for acceptance while grappling with the seduction of power by the White Bitch. His journey through treachery and betrayal ultimately leads him to seek redemption and reunite with his siblings, highlighting his emotional depth.
Peter
Peter is a unique teenager with a strong desire to fit in, navigating the complexities of high school while battling supernatural challenges. His evolution from an insecure boy to a brave hero culminates in his willingness to embrace responsibility for his actions and the well-being of his siblings.
White Bitch
The White Bitch is a cunning and manipulative antagonist whose schemes create chaos for the protagonists. Her seductive nature and promise of power lead others astray, making her a formidable foe who embodies betrayal and the dark side of ambition.
Time period
The movie traverses various timelines through its characters’ journeys and encounters, creating a tapestry of comedic adventure. It captures both timelessness in the fantasy realm and reflects society's absurdities, reminiscent of modern storytelling tropes seen in various iconic films.
Location
Gnarnia, Willy's Chocolate Factory, Mexican monastery, Namibia
Gnarnia is a mystical and perilous realm where the protagonists face various dangers while seeking to thwart the White Bitch's evil plans. Willy's Chocolate Factory serves as a dark, twisted location where human parts are used as ingredients in confections, highlighting an unsettling twist on the typical factory setting. The setting shifts from the tranquility of a Mexican monastery to the chaos of the skies over Namibia, blending fantastical adventures with comedic elements.
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Adventure
The theme of adventure is central to the film, as the protagonists embark on a journey filled with unexpected twists and comedic chaos. Their pursuit of the 'Golden Ticket' leads them through bizarre scenarios that test their resolve. Each character's growth is tied to their experiences in these whimsical yet perilous settings.
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Betrayal
Betrayal plays a critical role, particularly through the character of the White Bitch, who seduces Edward into turning against his friends. This theme underscores the importance of loyalty and the pain that comes from treachery, as the orphans grapple with their shared past and the loss of their parents caused by her deceitful machinations.
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Identity
The exploration of identity is prominent, particularly as the characters discover their familial ties and the impact of their pasts on their present. Through their trials in different worlds, they learn about their strengths and develop a deeper understanding of themselves as they unite against common foes.
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