Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star 2003

Dickie Roberts was once the beloved child star on the 1970s television sitcom The Glimmer Gang, famous for his catchphrase, “This is Nucking Futs!” Yet, with the show’s cancellation, his career hit a plateau. Years later, Dickie’s life has turned mundane; he works as a parking attendant at Morton’s restaurant and even appeared on Celebrity Boxing, where he faced a humiliating loss to Emmanuel Lewis. To the public, his girlfriend Cyndi, and even himself, Dickie is seen as a washed-up has-been who longs for the good old days of his youth in the spotlight.

After a heartfelt conversation with his old friend Leif Garrett, Dickie becomes determined that a role in Rob Reiner’s upcoming film, Mr. Blake’s Backyard, could be his chance for redemption. Despite the best efforts of his agent Sidney Wermack, Dickie is eager to get an audition. He even takes a joyride in a customer’s car while on duty, leading him to crash an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting where he annoys Tom Arnold into allowing him to contact Reiner. Subsequently removed from the meeting for not being an alcoholic, Dickie hatches a scheme to pretend to be intoxicated, which leads him into a Lamaze class attended by none other than Brendan Fraser.

Amused by Dickie’s antics, Fraser decides to lend a hand by calling Reiner for him. Unfortunately, the director tells Dickie that he is unfit for the role, as it requires an understanding of real-life experiences—something Dickie has missed due to his childhood fame and an emotionally abusive mother, Peggy, who left him when the money stopped flowing in.

Not one to back down easily, Dickie is inspired to prove Reiner wrong. He sells his risqué autobiography for an impressive $30,000 and aims to reinvent himself for the role. To truly immerse himself, he hires a family, finding a hesitant yet kind-hearted father, George, who eventually is convinced by his wife Grace to take Dickie in as their new “son.” As Dickie adapts to this surrogate family environment, he begins to learn crucial life lessons from the script of Mr. Blake’s Backyard: “The answers you seek are often hiding in plain sight.” Surprisingly, he starts taking on a mentor-like role for George’s children, Sam and Sally, who gain from his experience and newfound wisdom.

As he proves his worth, Cyndi reenters the stage and is impressed by Dickie’s growing maturity. Amidst the drama, George’s betrayal turns the tides, leading Dickie to seize a pivotal moment—he donates a kidney to Reiner after the director suffers a vicious assault by a deranged driver, a situation that Dickie inadvertently escalated. This act of bravery grants him the much-coveted role, showcasing that “In Hollywood, sometimes miracles do happen…again.”

Just as George leaves his family for Cyndi, Dickie willingly gives up his chance to step into George’s place, choosing instead to be part of the family he has grown so fond of. In an amusing twist, an E! True Hollywood Story segment reveals that Dickie has successfully launched his own sitcom featuring both his old friends and his newfound family members, with Grace becoming his wife.

As the credits roll, a comedic homage to classic TV show theme songs unfolds, with Dickie and his ensemble singing “Child Stars on Your Television,” all while highlighting various relief funds aimed at supporting former child stars.