Zombieland: Double Tap 2019

The curtain rises on Zombieland, where Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) takes a moment to recap the thrilling adventures of his merry band of survivors. Since they last rode off into the sunset, they’ve developed a unique lexicon to categorize their undead adversaries - “Homers” for lumbering slowpokes, “Hawkings” for cunning zombies, and “Ninjas” for stealthy ones that will leave you shivering in your boots.

As our heroes regroup at the White House, they slaughter a horde of brain-hungry fiends with gory aplomb. With their newfound home secured, they settle in for the long haul - or so it seems. Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), however, is chafing against the constraints of childhood, craving connection with fellow survivors her own age and tired of being treated like a pint-sized prodigy by Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). Her frustration resonates with Columbus and Wichita (Emma Stone), who’ve been deliberately avoiding contact with potential survivors. Meanwhile, their relationship remains strong, but cracks begin to appear as Columbus contemplates proposing to Wichita with the coveted Hope Diamond - an offer she receives with a healthy dose of uncertainty.

The next morning, Columbus and Tallahassee discover a parting note from the sisters, who’ve departed in The Beast, leaving our heroes feeling bereft. On the open road, Wichita and Little Rock stumble upon Berkeley (Avan Jogia), a free-spirited hippie, marking the beginning of their own journey. Back at the White House, Columbus is still reeling from the departure of his companions when Tallahassee suggests exploring a nearby mall - where they encounter a fresh batch of zombies and a lone survivor, the vacuous yet endearing Madison (Zoey Deutch). Her eagerness to find another human being is tempered by her excitement at encountering a male survivor. Columbus convinces a hesitant Tallahassee to bring Madison back to their makeshift home, but she quickly reveals her true intentions: to seduce Columbus and threaten his bond with Tallahassee. With Madison’s advances rebuffed, Columbus seizes the opportunity to reassert himself in the midst of this apocalyptic chaos.

As fate would have it, the group’s tranquility is short-lived, as an unexpected commotion arises in their makeshift sanctuary. Wichita returns, armed with a cache of firearms, revealing that Little Rock has decamped with Berkeley to Graceland, nestled within The Beast – a development that promptly incenses Tallahassee. However, his ire is further exacerbated when Wichita discloses that Berkeley is a pacifist by nature. Meanwhile, Columbus finds himself embroiled in a new romantic entanglement with Madison, much to Wichita’s dismay. The four set out to rejoin Little Rock, but their journey is promptly derailed when Tallahassee takes umbrage at the prospect of driving Wichita’s minivan.

As they search for alternative transportation, Columbus and Wichita engage in a poignant conversation about how their relationship was forged in the crucible of the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Their quest leads them to a pair of potential new vehicles: an ice cream truck emblazoned with a clownish visage, or a tour bus. Given Columbus’s abiding fear of clowns, they opt for the latter, which Madison promptly opens, unwittingly drawing the attention of undead hordes. As they prepare to defend themselves, one particularly persistent zombie threatens to claim Madison’s foot as its own before Columbus dispatches it with precision. The group soon encounters another recalcitrant corpse, which requires an unusual amount of firepower to despatch – prompting Tallahassee to deliver a gruesome coup de grâce.

Dubbed “T-800s” due to their extraordinary resilience, these zombies prove a formidable foe. With the tour bus rendered immobile by road spikes, Columbus is forced to abandon his aspirations for the ice cream truck and instead reluctantly commandeers the minivan with Wichita. On the open road, Madison’s condition takes a turn for the worse as she succumbs to illness, her skin taking on an unholy pallor. As her health rapidly deteriorates, Columbus accompanies her into the woods, where she insists she’s fine but eventually confesses the gravity of her situation. With no other recourse, he is compelled to deliver the mercy shot, leaving him to inform Tallahassee and Wichita of Madison’s untimely demise.

As the trio of travelers, comprised of Wichita (no actor specified), Little Rock (no actor specified), and Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), finally arrive at the hallowed grounds of Graceland, they’re met with an unexpected obstacle in the form of Little Rock and The Beast. With nowhere else to turn, they continue driving until the distant glow of neon lights signals their arrival at the Hounddog Hotel, a kitschy Elvis-themed oasis that’s equal parts nostalgic and bizarre. Upon entering the establishment, they’re greeted by Nevada (Rosario Dawson), who readies her gun with a mix of caution and curiosity before learning that these weary travelers mean no harm. As Wichita explains their situation to Nevada, it becomes clear that Little Rock and Berkeley have long since departed, leaving behind only The Beast as a tangible reminder of their departure. Nevada’s expression turns solemn when she inquires about the recent slaying of Bill Murray, but Columbus remains tight-lipped about his role in the incident. Despite this lingering tension, Nevada offers the trio a reprieve from the horrors they’ve faced on the open road, allowing them to rest for the night within her humble abode.

Meanwhile, Berkeley (no actor specified) and Little Rock continue their journey together, bound for Babylon, a mythical sanctuary rumored to offer solace and safety to survivors of the zombie apocalypse. As they approach this fabled haven, Little Rock is forced to surrender her firearms at the behest of its strict no-guns policy. In a ritualistic act of defiance, she watches as her weapons are melted down into useless puddles of metal.

The next morning, Tallahassee (Wood Harris) steps outside to behold an unexpected arrival: a behemoth of a monster truck, piloted by none other than Albuquerque (Luke Wilson) and Flagstaff (Thomas Middleditch), who bear an uncanny resemblance to Tallahassee and Columbus. As these doppelgangers begin to mingle, Tallahassee finds himself at odds with Albuquerque, their animosity simmering beneath the surface like a slow-cooked stew. In stark contrast, Columbus and Flagstaff engage in a lively discussion about their respective sets of rules, or “commandments,” as Flagstaff so aptly terms them.

As the sun dips below the horizon, a swarm of T-800 zombies descends upon the monster truck, prompting Albuquerque and Flagstaff to take up arms against these undead interlopers. With ease, they dispatch the invaders, only to reveal their own bitten state mere moments later. As Tallahassee crushes Albuquerque’s skull with a guitar, Nevada delivers a mercy killing to Flagstaff with a precision-crafted headshot.

As the dust settles on this gruesome tableau, Tallahassee can’t help but inquire about the efficacy of their combined efforts, only for Columbus to steal the spotlight by revealing that an Italian gentleman once claimed the title of “Zombie Kill of the Year” after toppling the Leaning Tower of Pisa onto a horde of shambling corpses.

With their newfound understanding and appreciation for one another, the trio prepares to embark on the next leg of their perilous journey in search of Babylon. As they set off into the unknown, Tallahassee shares a tender farewell with Nevada, punctuated by a chaste yet meaningful kiss. Further down the road, they’re surprised to encounter Madison (no actor specified), still alive and driving her trusty ice cream truck – an unexpected reunion that’s tempered only slightly by Columbus’s earlier claim that he had, in fact, shot just above her head, a testament to his quick reflexes and unwavering dedication to preserving human life.

As the group arrives at the fabled Babylon, they’re met with an unexpected hurdle: surrendering their arms to the authorities. Amidst this newfound uncertainty, Little Rock’s presence is a beacon of normalcy, her willingness to settle in starkly contrasted by her companions’ nomadic nature. However, Tallahassee’s instincts prove prophetic as he departs from the group, sensing a grave threat lurking on the horizon. His keen eye spots an apocalyptic procession of T-800 zombies converging on Babylon, drawn by the pyrotechnic display illuminating the night sky.

With seconds to spare, Tallahassee reappears, his warning cries falling on ears attuned to desperation. In the face of this unprecedented danger, he conceives a plan to harness the power of biodiesel and fireworks, exploiting the zombies’ vulnerability to light and sound. The gang lures the undead horde with tantalizing embers before setting their makeshift trap ablaze. The resulting conflagration sends shockwaves through the night, but Tallahassee’s ruse proves insufficient against the sheer tide of reanimated flesh.

As the group’s hopes begin to dwindle, Nevada bursts onto the scene, commandeering a monstrous truck that sends the zombies tumbling. The survivors scramble aboard, only to find their new chariot toppled by an avalanche of undead bodies. Undeterred, Tallahassee plots a daring escape, leading his companions in a desperate bid for freedom.

As they flee the ruins of Babylon, relationships are forged and broken amidst the chaos. Wichita and Columbus’s courtship blossoms, while Tallahassee finds solace in Nevada’s arms. Little Rock, meanwhile, parts ways with Berkeley to clear the path for Madison. United in their quest for survival, the gang sets off into the unknown, their bond strengthened by trials overcome.

The credits roll on a scene of eerie serenity: October 2009, the eve of Day Zero, when Bill Murray (as himself) hosts a press junket for the ill-fated Garfield III. As the apocalypse unfolds, Al Roker and his co-hosts transform into shambling horrors, and Bill seizes the initiative, dispatching the undead with swift precision. The curtain closes on this surreal tableau, leaving the audience to ponder the fragility of life – and the indomitable spirit that defines humanity in the face of extinction.